How to give Useful Advice?

Nobody listens to advice given un-solicited; even solicited advice is ignored because it is delivered badly. You can find out how you can give useful advice to your friends, colleagues and relations and try it out with successfully.

Most of you have occasions to advise a friend, colleague or a relation on some matters. How your advising session went on? Answers would definitely vary, but many of you would admit that you could have done better. In this blog post I am drawing my experience as an Adviser for the last two decades to frame you a simple manual of How to give useful advice, so that next time you advise more effectively. I have configured you as the adviser and “asker” as the other party.

1. Why Nobody listens to Advice?
Many of us have problems in taking advice from others; there are several reasons for this:
1. Such advice is mostly un-solicited
2. Adviser gives arm-chair opinion where asker does not accept the adviser being a person of having sufficient experience or knowledge
3. The language used is pedagogic or too technical or very complex for the asker to understand
4. The advice is badly delivered and over-shoots the problem faced by the asker
5. Timing and/or the situation are not conducive; mostly the advice given in front of others is ignored by the asker
6. Lack of relationship of trust between asker and the adviser
7. The adviser treats the asker as a and uses a tone of authority that does not go well

8. Bad cosmics: In most cases the asker is in an angry emotional or in depressed mood generating negative and bad cosmics; likewise the adviser shows patronizing attitude or sympathetic feelings making negative cosmics. Often this situation is exacerbated when the adviser finds fault with the asker or criticizes or blames him.

2. The Asker
1. Ideally, he must take the initiative to ask for advice from you

2. He must say whether he is calling for an opinion or advice; an opinion is generally, brief to the point and often subjective whereas an advice is a well thought of solution plan based on thinking and reflection and often it is objective

3. He must indicate the time and place suitable for advice and get the consent from you for this arrangement.

3. The Adviser

1. You should never give un-solicited advice, where circumstances warrant you to give such advice, ask him whether you can have a word with him. If he says ‘not this time” just forget it; do not start venting your feelings on him”I told you so, you went and did this”. Sometimes you might try to give advice anonymously, never do this

If he agrees, tell him that you feel for him and whether he wants your opinion or advice. If he asks for your opinion give it in simple language and thank him for the opportunity. If he wants advice, once again ask him whether he is really interested in getting advice from you. This process is known as “discernment”. If he really wants advice then find out the time and place you can do this when both you and he are in good moods to listen and discuss the matter in hand

2. When you are at it, put him in ease; emphasize on the mutual relationship and trust both parties have with each other

3. You have to demonstrate to him that you are a detached person and that you have no vested interest or conflict of interest in handling this assignment

4. You should also adopt a relationship of an adult talking to an adult or an adult talking to a parent; never take the role of adult or parent talking to a child; it is suicidal.
4. The Issue at hand

1. As a preamble ask him to tell about the issue at hand; do not interrupt; let him go for some length before you ask a point or two. When he has finished you ask him to clarify issue; generally the time – tested format of “what, when, why, who and how” comes handy. Depending on the situation and the issue at hand, you can tweak it

2. When you feel that you are not the person who can give advice because the issue involves a question of law, medicine or technology then tell him frankly and refer him to a competent person for further advice

3. If you feel that the issue can be dealt with by you then proceed to the nest stage.

5. Listening

1. Summarize the issue and get his confirmation by asking “so you are saying ……” or “do you mean to say……” etc.

2. Now you ask him further queries so that he thinks for himself; at this time you should make him feel comfortable and believe that you are the right person with right knowledge and exposure who can handle this assignment. Generally, at this point he will open up; he will spotlight his own search on aspects that he has neglected so far. More often than not he would come up with a solution himself. Your role is to patiently guide him. This is win-win situation where he gets space to think about something; you get space to reflect upon. In my experience, this moment is too memorable for the asker; often he would tell others what a great adviser he got

3. If he still cannot come up with something for himself, then you need to do more work and proceed to next stage.

6. Empathizing

1. At this stage, you have to ask for his goals, objectives and ideas regarding any solution you can make for him; you should understand his sensitivities and emotions; you will also know his capacity to solve the issue at hand

2. You must watch him carefully; in case it is a tele conference you must notice his tonal voice; in case of video conference or face to face situation watch his body language, facial expression and the nuances of his speech that convey lot about him, his attitudes and his desires

3. You have to collate your experience; recall what you have learnt in similar cases and bring it to weigh on the current issue. This is known as “personalizing”. Care should be taken not to over-do it

4. Once again, it is necessary to put him on ease with re-assuring words; without bragging yourself state your experience and tell him that you can give him a way–out.

7. Suggesting a Solution plan
1. At this point you are going to unveil a solution plan; you can ask him whether it is alright for you to give a detailed one or something brief now so that he can catch up with you for details some other time. In case of latter make a brief and short solution for him in simple language and ask him to think about it. In case he calls for a detailed plan then you go through the entire mile
2. Formulate the solution plan in such manner at any given time it can be reduced into writing
3. The solution plan must have actionable steps with sufficient justifications. You must never give a solution that a reasonable person in the given circumstance will find difficult to implement
4. You can give the solution plan indicating the alternatives (if any), pros and cons of each alternative and the cost and benefit of each alternative
5. Even here you should give him a space so that he can insert his own predilection. For example, if the plan requires purchase of a car give him space to determine the colour, model and make.

6. Never create another problem or head-ache for him in the guise of solving the issue at hand. Often, advisers create additional problems to the askers; consequently advisers are unwanted

7. Never be too candid like “calling the spade a spade”; be very diplomatic about asker or his weaknesses; make him to come out and admit his weaknesses on his own.

8. Implementing a Solution

1. You have to give some ideas as to how he can implement the solution in short, medium and long term perspectives and the snags that arise

2. You should also tell him how he can face-up to these snags

3. It is also better to tell him the time frame for the implementation

4. Now you can ask him if he has got anything to say, or any clarifications to make. All his queries must be handled sincerely.

5. Finally thank him for giving an opportunity of being some use to him and hope for strengthening of the mutual relationship; wish him the best and ask him to keep in touch.

9. Follow-up
Whether he calls you or not you keep in touch with him; say hello and find out how useful your advice has been. Once again thank him and wish him well.
Muthu Ashraff

Cosmic Adviser

Mobile:   +94 777 265677

E-mail:    cosmicgems@gmail.com

Web:      http://www.cosmicgemslanka.com

Seven Steps in Developing a Winning Concept

Many of you bewail the fact that everything happens around you and you have simply no way of influencing the ultimate result. If you have a concept developed for private life or public life or both, you will be able to take charge and influence the outcome because a well developed concept gives you direction, motivation and tenacity. In this blog post I describe Seven Steps in developing a Winning Concept.

1. Firstly, think about yourself; your ideas, your moods, your feelings, your desires, your strengths and your weaknesses. Now think of the goals you wish to achieve in private life or public life or both. Private life relates to you and your personal side; let us call this as “family”. Public life relates to what you do for a living; your employment or vocation or engagement; let us call this as “business”. Once this is complete you have an idea as to what is the central theme running, something that threads between and amongst all what have been described above.

2. Secondly, you cross to the opposite side; become an imaginary critic of yourself. Start where you ended under step number 1, that is the central theme and subject it to brutal examination. Is your central theme is tenable? Is it bunkum? From there go down to the goals you have set upon. Are these achievable? Are you over-shooting? Go down still further. Your weaknesses, strengths, desires, feelings, moods and ideas do all these truly reflect you? Did you under-state the weaknesses and over-state the strengths? Are you true to yourself when you listed everything about you?

At this point it is better for you to write items 1 & 2 in your note book; you have done the internal analysis; so far so good

3. Thirdly, you are going to look at outside; this time gathering information from books and magazines, observing others similar to you behaving the way they do, listening to those who are similar to you about their feeling, thoughts and actions that made them succeed in life. Once this phase is over, write down a summary of your observations

4. Fourthly, you turn inward to yourself once again; you have already written the pros and cons of everything along with the outside inputs as well. Now it is the time to switch on your inner mind. Go deep and listen to what your inner mind says about the whole thing. If it says “enough” you stop and go to step number 6. If the inner mind says “all what you did so far is not enough and you need to do more work” go to step number 5

5. The fifth step deals with the realm of the un-chartered or un-known. In this step you have to find something that has never occurred to you so far; or observed by you in your dealing with the external parties under step number 3, something that is unimaginable like Windows or Dell to the inventors who founded it for the first time. Both windows and Dell are success stories now but came from this un-chartered and un-known area. You will also come across an idea that would shape your concept after you explore the realm of un-chartered or un-known

6. Once you have the bare concept ready by now, you have to switch –on your Cosmics to further examine whether your concept suits you fine. Each person is born with a different set of Cosmics. Some have predominantly water in their element whereas others have fire. For some certain numbers will work for others the same numbers would not? Certain colours would appeal to some while the same colours make others un-comfortable. Some can work at a stretch for several hours while others need rest and relaxation to continue. The probabilities are endless. Once you analyze your cosmics you will come to an understanding whether the concept you are developing will suit you in the first place

7. The last item is to dry test the concept you have developed and reduce it in few words or a phrase or a single sentence. I give few examples:

Maths Teacher: My concept is “innovative teaching method along with rote learning bent on more class work”

Lawyer: My concept is “tell the truth, nothing but the truth to everyone including my clients”

Old car salesman : My concept is “bring convenience and affordability to the buyer and reasonable price to the seller, keeping my commission intact”

Muthu Ashraff

Cosmic Adviser

Mobile:   +94 777 265677

E-mail:    cosmicgems@gmail.com

Web:      http://www.cosmicgemslanka.com

Improve Your Life with Honey

Honey the word of endearment is generally used for a wife or girl friend. It is because you cannot do without her in your life. In similar vein you cannot do without honey, the wonder product of the bees. Both honey and honey make your life sweet not to mention a success

You have already an Honey with you; your wife or girl friend who remains your source of inspiration and support. Likewise, you need Honey, this time the sweet yellowish to golden fluid produced by the honey bees. You will ask me why honey and what it does for me. In this blog post I describe what made me to study honey, the features of honey and the cosmics of honey to improve your life.

What made me to study Honey

About 35 years ago , I was posted as manager of a bank branch in a remote area in the eastern part of Ceylon (now Sri Lanka). During weekends, I scoot off to the jungles and parley with aborigines known as Veddhas. Highly hospitable group the Veddhas find their food by hunting. Since hunting animals depend on season and chance they preserve the meat in honey. I have relished on venison and other meats preserved by the number of full moons as they do not use calendars to tell us the time. Honey can preserve contents soaked with it for a long time.

In contrast, I found a different feature; this time not preservation but disintegration, when I travelled to the northern area of Ceylon known as Wanni where settlement of farmers live. I was given a special treat: A part of honey hive with the head of cobra inside. The poor soul has got into the hive with its hood and part of its upper body. Entrapped it was not able to get out. The cobra died; the part outside the bee hive got rotten and has fallen off. The part of cobra inside the beehive was disintegrated into honey. The cobra’s hood was still visible as a film but no physical body could be seen. I joined my hosts to relish on this wonder. What happened to the cobra’s poison? All that was disintegrated perhaps.

Honey, like your wife or girl friend can make you or break you. It can preserve or it can disintegrate. It can make you fat or make you thin. It heals diarrhoea or can increase loose motion. On the top of the line, it boosts your sex drive or dull your libido.

Features

1. Honey is produced by honey bees known as apis mellifera from nectar of flowers in the vicinity of the beehive. A complex regurgitation process takes place where the bees transform nectar into the viscous fluid. The final secretion which was earlier thought to come out of the mouth is now found to come out from the intestines
2. About 35 % densier than water, honey has less water content barring the growth of micro organism; hence it can preserve itself, provided that it is not exposed to oxidisation and fermentation. Honey can attract external ambience such as smell or moisture; that is why it is recommended to store honey in glass or ceramic jars rather than in tins
3. Honey has different types of sugar such as fructose, glucose, sucrose and maltose accounting for about 75 % of its content. The balance 25% consists of minerals such as potassium, sodium, phosphate, copper, iron, calcium & manganese, along with carbohydrates, proteins, enzymes, various vitamins and water
4. Raw honey is unprocessed, often darker in colour with fragrance and taste that does not appeal to many. It is used mainly for medical and nutritional purposes. Selection of raw honey be left with experts
5. Ripe honey is unprocessed, fresh and ready for various use including consumption. it gives pleasant fragrance and appealing taste
6. Processed honey is what you see in the supermarket shelf. Often it is purified by heating which destroys major part of its contents such as nutrients and minerals.

Cosmics

Food Source

Honey can be easily spread on bread; used as a substitute for sugar; flavour any type of food. Honey restores energy like glucose; it quickly rejuvenates and is a product that can quenches thirst and fulfils appetite at one and the same time. You must use ripe honey or processed honey for this purpose.

Disease Buster

1. Raw honey: Used for treating allergic disorders; topical applications for various skin ailments; dressing wounds; soothing wounds. This can also be used as barrier cream and as anti-bacterial treatment. “Manuka” honey from New Zealand is very much recommended
2. Ripe honey: Used for treating various diseases such as diabetes, common cold, cough, eye-diseases, gastro-intestinal ailments, high blood-pressure, fevers, blisters, stomach-inflammation, kidney issues and heart-issues.
3. Processed honey: As oral rehydration solution in case of diarrheal disorders; anti-inflammatory dose for many ailments; an expectorant to dilute flam; excellently suited for antiseptic treatment.

Beauty Aid

1. Cleopatra, the Egyptian Queen knew the art making her the most beautiful women at her time; her bath of immersing in the tub containing honey mixed with aroma is still used by beauty therapists all over the world. In today’s context, shampoos and beauty aids give the same effect. However, rather than depending on made for solutions stacked in supermarket shelf you can try out your own honey bath
2. For skin therapy, honey is unbeatable; honey can be applied to various parts of the body in the morning or after a bath and allowed to stay for an hour
3. For facials honey can be used to add glow and a flavour that lasts even after the honey is mopped out
4. Honey in the morning with either hazelnut or almonds can be taken after the meals.

Health & Fitness

1. Honey must be taken first thing in the morning after cleaning your teeth. A table spoon of honey on an empty stomach will make you strong and healthy. Do not take anything, not even water for half to one hour. Similarly you must take a table spoon of honey as the last thing before the bed time. Neither wash your mouth nor drink water thereafter.
2. If you feel tired constantly, without any reason for this state, better take honey three times a day after meals. Allow one hour interval before you drink or eat thereafter
3. In case of sports or gym work it is better to take honey mixed with water or lemon juice at the beginning, interval and at the end before you take any other nutrients
4. To keep fit and youthful you can take honey regularly twice a day morning and evening. “Kamahi” honey from New Zealand is recommended.

Mind and Intelligence

1. For children who are mentally retarded, honey must be given just before their meals
2. For students who are weak in their studies honey along with onion ( small varieties) syrup can be given
3. A week before examinations honey with cocoa be administered on them couple of hours before bed time. Use “Karri” from Australia for this purpose
4. For adults who have problems in balancing mental faculty with physical activity, honey along with whole wheat bread or meal is a must. Honey from Tasmania known as “Leatherwood” is recommended.

Sex & Marriage

1. For general sexual pleasure, honey twice a day is an excellent stimulant. Honey known as “Yayla Bali” from Turkey is recommended
2. Where one of the partner is strong and the other weak, Honey mixed with garlic and onion syrup (big variety) is recommended. Use “ Kircicegi Bali” honey from Turkey
3. If the male partner suffers from erectile dysfunction honey mixed with garlic, ginger and onion syrup half an hour before sex will do. The honey known as “ Karakovan Bali” from Turkey is recommended
4. If the female partner has sexual dysfunction she should add to the above mixture white of egg and have it half an hour before sex
5. For the newly wed honey wine is excellent; different cultures make this differently.

Spirituality

1. Take honey as the first thing either as a drink or meal
2. Apples slices soaked in honey increase spiritual insight
3. After spiritual exercises such as Yoga Asanas or Sufi trances pour little honey to middle of your right palm, leave it for few minutes and sip it slowly.

Muthu Ashraff

Cosmic Adviser

Mobile:   +94 777 265677

E-mail:    cosmicgems@gmail.com

Web:      http://www.cosmicgemslanka.com